


Palm

by starvinbohemian



Category: Days of Our Lives
Genre: Camping, Fix-It, Love, M/M, canon divergence after Sonny left for Paris
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-27 23:36:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5069224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starvinbohemian/pseuds/starvinbohemian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“If you don’t die of thirst, there are blessings in the desert.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Palm

**Author's Note:**

> This one is 100% a love letter to my fellow Paulson peeps on Tumblr, born out of countless discussions about Sonny and Paul. In particular, a conversation with buildmeofcolor about Paulson going on vacation together.

  
_“The desert doesn’t care who you are,  
and neither does anyone or anything who lives in it."_

— Deanne Stillman, _Joshua Tree: Desolation Tango_.

  
  
  


        It was an hour-long drive in the rental car to Joshua Tree from Palm Springs Municipal Airport.

        Sonny rolled the window down and let his arm dangle out in the hot wind. He slumped low in his seat. The heat compounded his lethargy, and his head lolled against the headrest, his eyelids heavy behind his sunglasses.

        It was raining in Paris when he left, the sky dark and gloomy. Here, they seemed to be driving through the sun. Everything— the hills, the houses, the endless stretch of dirt and highway before them— was illuminated in harsh sepia tones.

        In no time at all, they had left the cities behind. Once they hit the San Gorgonio Pass, there was nothing but the iconic white windmills that littered either side of the highway.

        Sonny alternated between staring out the window and staring at Paul as he drove. Even though the windmills made for a strange, whimsical sight, his gaze kept going back to the man beside him.

        Paul’s head nodded along with a song on the radio that Sonny didn’t recognize. He seemed relieved to finally be on the road. After a collective fourteen hours in the air, Sonny understood all too well. It had been an eight-hour flight from Paris to Salem and then another six hours from Salem to Palm Springs. He desperately needed sleep, but his mind was still whirring away.

        Paul had wanted to drive, and Sonny was secretly grateful. Paul driving meant Sonny could relax and watch him.

        For a long time, while he was living in Paris, the only way Sonny saw Paul was in an advertisement for Mad World. The scowling, air-brushed model in those ads didn’t look like Paul. It was nice to see him looking like a real person again. Also, something about the combination of Paul's white t-shirt and his tanned arms put butterflies in his stomach.

        They had been apart for too long, and Sonny was definitely feeling it. He stared until Paul finally laughed and said, “You’re being so creepy right now.”

        Sonny gave him a beatific smile. “Sorry,” he lied.

        Paul shook his head, but he was smiling. He put his hand on Sonny’s thigh and gave him an affectionate squeeze.

        Sonny laced their fingers together and reluctantly turned his gaze back toward the window. It made sense to him to keep his eyes on Paul. There was a part of him that suspected this might all still prove a dream, and that Paul would disappear if he looked away for too long. Sonny didn't want to wake up and find himself still alone in Paris.

        But the pain and loneliness he felt there were behind him. He didn’t want to focus on the past anymore. He wanted to exist in the moment, because this moment was warm and bright and they were together.

        Paul brought their linked hands up to his mouth and kissed the back of Sonny’s hand. He felt Paul's smile against his skin.

~*~

        Sonny managed to stay awake for all of twenty minutes before the jetlag finally claimed him.

        He missed the drive into the national park. When he woke, it was to find himself alone and the car stopped. There were grocery bags in the backseat, suggesting that Paul must have made a pit stop in town while Sonny was still asleep. He slept through it all.

        Desert grit crunched under his shoes as he climbed from the car. He knew immediately where he was once he spotted the massive, shadowed rocks off in the distance.

        Paul had managed to find their campsite without Sonny’s assistance. Besides a simple barbecue pit and picnic table, their spot was a patch of dirt and brush.

        Paul had gotten as far as unloading all of their camping equipment. Now, he was leaning against the car, watching the sunset. He turned at Sonny’s approach. “There he is.”

        Still half-asleep, he nudged his way into Paul’s arms and buried his face in his chest. Paul smiled and put his arms around Sonny, providing a barrier against the crisp wind. Desert nights could be as cold as desert days were hot.

        The last time Paul held him, they were on a balcony in Paris.

        Being held by Paul still felt like stolen happiness, as if he were getting away with something. Maybe he was.

        Paul leaned his cheek against Sonny’s head. “This is amazing,” he said. His breath tickled Sonny’s forehead.

        Sonny turned his head so he could watch the sunset from the warm circle of Paul’s arms. A lovely splash of orange and purple had streaked across the darkening sky. He hummed his agreement.

        “I’m glad you woke up for this,” Paul said.

        “Me, too.”

~*~

        During their last hour of daylight, Paul explored the area around their campsite while Sonny dealt with getting them set up. He already had the tent up and dinner started over a small fire by the time Paul returned.

        “We lost service as soon as we entered the park,” Paul told him as he tucked his phone into one of his bags.

        "I told you we were going off the grid," Sonny said. He didn’t know about Paul, but Sonny purposefully hadn’t told anyone where he was going. Turning his phone off was like releasing a psychic weight from his mind.

        Paul gave him a strange look. "You did," he agreed.

        By the time they crawled into their tent, they were too exhausted to do anything other than collapse into each other’s arms.

        Sonny closed his eyes as Paul’s fingers gently threaded through his hair. “You know, I almost didn’t recognize you at the airport,” Paul teased. “The last time I saw you, you were in a suit.”

        Sonny nudged him with his foot. “I don’t remember any complaints.”

        “No. No complaints,” Paul said easily. “Business Sonny was very hot.”

        Sonny rolled his eyes at that. He'd hated wearing those monkey suits every day. People looked at him different, as if he were an extension of Uncle Vic and no longer just _Sonny_. At the time, that hadn’t seemed like the worst thing, but in retrospect, it probably hadn’t helped his confusion.

        Paul leaned in and whispered, low and sexy, into Sonny’s ear, “But I kinda missed the plaid.”

        Suddenly very awake, Sonny purposefully shifted his leg between Paul’s. “Well, the job for my uncle is done, so I have a feeling the plaid shirts are going to make a comeback.”

        " _Good._ ”

        Paul looked as if he were going to move in for a kiss. Sonny was already tilting his head up to accept it when Paul suddenly pulled back, no longer smiling.

        "What is it?"

        Paul hesitated for a moment. Then, he said, “It’s nothing. I just… I hated being away from you."

        Something in his voice made Sonny frown and sit up so he could see Paul’s face. The sleeping bag fell back, taking its warmth with it, and he shivered.

        “It was only a couple weeks," he teased.

        Sonny needed that time to tie up loose ends on the work front. Also, time to start the legal proceedings on his divorce, arrange for his stuff to be shipped back to the States, and time to just generally steer his life in a new (old) direction. It had made sense for Paul to wait for him in Salem while he dealt with all of that.

        Really, two weeks was no time at all. After all their time apart, and with the light finally visible at the end of the tunnel, a little more patience seemed an easy thing to him.

        He and Paul seemed to differ there. Paul had waited so long for this, for _them_ , and yet, strangely, as they finally neared the finish line, had seemed to lose his ever-enduring patience. He hadn’t wanted to leave Paris. Sonny had to remind him that two weeks didn’t even compare to three years of complete absence and thinking they’d never see each other again. A year ago, that was their reality.

        Paul eventually smiled at him, strangely wistful, and ran his thumb over Sonny’s cheek. “You’re right. I’m being dumb. It’s nothing.”

        Sonny took Paul’s hand from his face and kissed his palm. “I’m always right.” He grinned when Paul snorted, but his smile faded when the sadness remained in Paul’s eyes.

        “Paul…”

        "No, I’m sorry,” he said, grimacing. “I’m fine. Really. I didn't mean to ruin the mood.”

        “Oh, I wasn’t in the mood anyway.”

        Paul snorted again at the obvious lie. He gave Sonny’s arm a light tug. “Come back here. I’m cold.”

        Sonny resettled beside Paul and pulled the warm sleeping bag back over them. “We’re good?” he asked through a yawn. He sensed there was more to be said, but he was just so _tired_.

        “We’re perfect,” Paul whispered.

        Pressed against Paul’s side, Sonny closed his eyes and gave in to the pull of sleep. Paul’s arm was a bit too tight around him, but he didn’t mention it.

~*~

        A lizard darted passed where his hand rested on the warm rock.

        Standing, Sonny pushed his sunglasses back over his forehead and shaded his eyes with his hand, seeking out the familiar figure up on the rocks. He squinted against the sun’s glare as he raised the camera.

        High above him, Paul steadily made his way up the sand-colored rocks toward a flat plateau that overlooked the desert valley. Even from below, Sonny could see the look of fierce concentration on Paul’s face. He was almost to the top, and Sonny wanted to capture that moment of triumph for posterity.

        He shifted his backpack off his shoulders with a slight wince. It was barely ten in the morning and already hot enough that he could feel his fair skin burning into an unflattering red. The plan had been to be there and gone hours ago, before the heat picked up, but Paul had still been deep in sleep while Sonny was up and preparing coffee and warming beans for a simple breakfast on their portable stove. After all the traveling the day before, Sonny didn’t have the heart to wake him.

        Sonny didn't mind the heat. It reminded him of Dubai, of Texas. Home. There was something pure and invigorating about the sweat dripping down his face— sweat he’d earned on the stiff hike up to that point on the trail. He hadn't realized how much he missed this, missed the heat, the sweet taste of fresh air in his mouth, and the healthy rush of blood in his veins that came from exertion.

        He loved Joshua Tree. He didn't know why he had stayed away so long.

        Sonny tilted his head back and savored the moment, welcoming the harsh sunlight on his skin and the too-blue sky that left an imprint on the inside of his eyelids even when they were closed. For a moment, he let his mind drift back to other times and places, to mountains and other deserts he had trekked, to the fellow travelers he had collected and left behind along the way.

        Paul's voice called him back to the present.

        He had reached the top and was grinning smugly down at Sonny. Sonny mimed a slow clap, but his sarcasm was belied by the proud smile on his face. He snapped a few pictures, already imagining the moment captured in a frame on his mantelpiece.

        Paul yelled down to him, “Get up here! The view is amazing!”

         _I know_ , he thought.

~*~

        After finishing the trail nearest their campsite, they drove over to Skull Rock to explore a different corner of the national park. They took funny pictures of each other inside of the “skull” and then watched other people do the same as they ate their lunch.

        There was another trail behind Skull Rock that was blocked off by large rocks. In looking around, Sonny found an adjoining cavern tunnel that took them from one side of the rocks to the other.

        After checking out the cavern, Paul chose to climb over the rocks anyway. So far, Paul had taken to each new challenge with an invigorated gleam in his eye and a slightly— _ha_ — competitive air. Well, Sonny refused to be shown up.

        Smiling to himself, he followed after Paul.

~*~

        Brent had been the one to introduce Sonny to Joshua Tree.

        Sonny met a lot of great people once he moved to Salem, but Brent had something of the wanderlust in him that Sonny identified with at the time. They met right off of Sonny’s split with Paul, and when he really needed someone who wanted to disappear with him. After initially bonding during a group hike, they soon escalated to other adventures like rock-climbing, white-water rafting, and camping trips.

        Though he never said his name aloud, Paul was still very much on his mind. On those camping trips, he would think about Paul and about how much Paul would have loved being there, and about how much fun they could have had together if only Paul could have gotten out of his own way. Out of _their_ way.

        Brent knew there was something— or someone— weighing on his mind, but he’d been too respectful to pry beyond acknowledging the obvious. Sonny had been especially grateful for Brent’s tact, because there was something about the isolated majesty of Joshua Tree that forced more introspection on him than he was ready for.

        Four years later, Sonny wondered what Brent would think of Paul or of _Sonny and Paul_. Truthfully, Brent hadn’t been so crazy about Will, but Brent wasn’t crazy about many of Sonny’s choices around the last time they had seen each other.

        Brent was wrong to blame Will for their growing apart. Sonny was the one who had decided somewhere along the way that it was time to settle down and put the adventures behind him at the ripe, old age of twenty-four.

        Looking back, Sonny couldn’t believe how different his life looked now from how it had looked back then or even just a matter of months ago. And after all of the sea changes he had experienced in his life, here he was, once again looking toward a future with Paul.

        Life could be so strange sometimes.

~*~

        During the flight to Palm Springs, Paul surprised him by taking his hand, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

        There was a time when Paul worried about even being on the same airplane at the same time, even if they sat completely separate. They would take separate cabs to their hotels, and Sonny would have to purchase his own room, even though they only used the one.

        Really, despite the frequent traveling required for Paul’s baseball career, this was the first time they had ever traveled anywhere _together_. After all those years, Paul was finally _with_ him.

        Overwhelmed, Sonny had to look away for a moment to compose himself.

        He didn’t mean to say it aloud, and he certainly didn’t intend to interrupt Paul mid-sentence when he suddenly blurted out, “I love you.”

        Paul looked at him, surprised, and Sonny quickly glanced away, sheepish. “Sorry, I know I keep saying it.” Though it was liberating to finally say the words aloud, they just kept slipping out, as if they wouldn’t be held back anymore. It was getting embarrassing.

        Paul leaned his head against Sonny’s and gently teased, “Who’s the sap now?”

        Sonny tried to glare at him, but Paul’s smile was dazzling. He had no other choice than to kiss him, though his comeback was right there on his tongue—“ _You._ It’s still you, you big dork.”

        They were still kissing when the airplane landed.

~*~

        In between hikes, they relaxed at the campsite, day-napping and munching on the snacks Paul had picked up in the town proper on the way into Joshua Tree.

        Over the top of his book, Sonny watched Paul devour a bag of chips. He had his t-shirt twisted around his head, and he looked like the kind of Los Angeles frat boy one typically encountered in Joshua Tree. No one would have looked twice at him or thought he was _that_ Paul Narita.

        “You look ridiculous,” he said fondly.

        Paul threw a chip at him.

        Grinning, Sonny pretended to return to his book, but he kept shooting surreptitious glances at Paul. Catching him at it, Paul winked at him, making Sonny’s heart skip a beat. Even with the silence, it was comfortable.

        A part of him had worried. This was all still very new. With the exception of their short time in Paris, Sonny and Paul hadn’t spent this much time alone together in over four years. Sonny wasn’t the same man he was four years ago, and either was Paul. In Salem, they had only danced around each other in stolen moments here and there. In Paris, there had been a vibrant city to distract and amuse.

        In Joshua Tree, they had hours and hours, and only each other for entertainment. Vacations could be stressful. Sonny took a serious risk in pushing this trip. He didn’t even know why it had suddenly seemed so important.

        As it turned out, he had worried for nothing. The awkwardness was non-existent. Paul seemed perfectly content to be wasting time in the middle of nowhere with him.

        Abandoning his book, Sonny brought the sun block over to Paul and plopped down behind him on the picnic bench. Paul’s bare shoulders and chest were as red as his own. Sonny squirted some SPF 70 into his hands and ran his palms up Paul’s firm back.

        Paul hummed in pleasure and leaned back into Sonny’s hands. Sonny kissed his shoulder. “Well, honey, how was your day?”

        Paul snickered. “Well, darling… today, I climbed a rock. And then I climbed another rock and then…”

        Sonny laughed. “Seriously. Are you having fun?”

        Paul looked at him over his shoulder. His eyes and his smile were soft. “What do you think?”

        Sonny smiled, pleased. It was important to Sonny that Paul enjoy himself. Being there— together— felt right to him. It proved something long-suspected to him: that they could be anywhere, and it wouldn’t matter where so long as they were together.

        Sonny’s heart was in his throat as he leaned forward and kissed Paul. Their tongues twined lazily for a moment, and Paul moaned into his mouth. He pulled Paul back more firmly against himself, and let his hands drift forward over Paul’s muscular chest.

        It was too hot to have sex in the tent. Really, it was too hot to have sex anywhere, but Sonny and Paul still made the attempt in the backseat of their rental car.

        Sonny refused to turn on the air conditioner and risk the car overheating and dying, stranding them in the desert, so they rolled down the windows to let what little breeze there was into the car.

        Their bodies were slick with sweat as Sonny lazily rode Paul’s cock. They were squished and cramped with not enough room in the car for what they were doing. Sonny’s head kept banging against the roof of the car, and his thighs were cramping from the effort of balancing over Paul without falling off the seat. He could barely breathe for the stuffy heat of the car.

        Though his head was swimming deliriously from the heat and Paul and sex _and Paul_ … Sonny finally had to laugh. “What are we _doing_?”

        Paul grinned against his neck. His voice was thick. “I don’t know, but don’t stop.”

        Sonny laughed again, his neck falling, boneless, back into Paul’s grip. “Okay, but we’re probably going to die of heatstroke.”

        “Worth it,” Paul answered, nuzzling his neck.

        Sonny doubted that, but it was hard to argue anything when Paul was looking at him like that. Sonny savored the feeling of Paul inside him, filling him up and making him burn. Paul’s hand joined Sonny’s on his cock. Sonny watched their hands move together over him, and felt his eyes glaze over.

        Breathless, Sonny leaned his forehead against Paul’s. He closed his eyes and focused on breathing through the heat and the desire. His heart felt fit to burst.

        Paul’s words were a hot brush of air against his lips. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?”

         _Yes._

        Paul’s love for him was bigger and brighter than Sonny had any right to ask for. It overwhelmed him sometimes. If he’d known sooner how Paul truly felt, then maybe…

        … maybe the last four years would have been vastly different. Or maybe not. Maybe it took those four years for them to reach this point, the point where they could be together like this. And _this_ was so, so good. He used to feel guilty about that, but he couldn't any longer.

        Paul murmured his name. Sonny’s eyes opened at the feel of Paul taking his hips in a firm grip. He thrust his cock up at an angle that made Sonny gasp. He did it again and again until Sonny was keening and clinging to Paul’s sweaty shoulders.

        “Say it?” Paul begged.

        The words flowed out of him without thought. “I love you,” he said. “I love you, I love you, I—Oh, _God_ —I love…”

        Their thrusts became frantic, and Sonny bit his lip against his approaching orgasm. Paul placed hungry kisses across Sonny’s neck and chest. “God, I missed you,” he gasped.

        The words reached right down into his chest and tugged at his heart. Until now, missing each other even when they were sitting in the same room was part of the deal. Before, Paul was still closeted and then later, Sonny was still married.

        Overcome, Sonny pulled Paul’s face up into a fierce kiss and whimpered into his mouth as he felt Paul come inside him. Paul broke away from his mouth and stifled a cry against Sonny’s shoulder.

        Sweat stung his eyes, and a whine caught in his throat as Paul jerked him off until Sonny came against his chest. Afterward, spent and sated, Sonny slumped into Paul’s arms.

        It all still took him by surprise. How Paul could still reduce him to a desperate, shivering mess, as if it were the first time all over again, even all these years later. How Sonny could have thought he could live without this, without Paul, he didn’t know.

        He pressed his mouth to Paul’s neck, and felt Paul’s pulse race against his lips.

        “I missed you, too,” he said.

~*~

        The next day, Paul managed to wake up at a decent hour, so they set out early to hike the Barker Dam trail.

        The popular trail took them along a narrow path that wound around a desert mountain, through shady trees, and over rock steps. The dam itself was dry, so they didn’t linger there. Along the way, Sonny pointed out the Native American petroglyphs still visible on the rock walls. The trail eventually opened up into a forest of Joshua trees, each unique in its funny-looking reach for the sky and some barely as tall as they were.

        “Why are they called Joshua trees?” Paul wondered.

        Pleased to know the answer, Sonny said, “The Mormons who settled here thought that they looked as if they were reaching up their arms in praise of God, like Joshua leading them to the promised land.”

        Paul stared at a particularly strange Joshua tree with branches half-bent upward and half-bent downward. “Huh. I always see people in pictures doing yoga poses next to these trees.”

        Sonny nodded. “I took a yoga class out here once.” _With Brent_ , he mentally added. He really wanted to get back in touch with him. Maybe once he was back in Salem.

        “Of course you did.”

        Sonny ignored the snark and said, “The class started at sunrise.”

        Paul rolled his eyes. “Of course it did.”

        Sonny laughed. “Seriously! It’s an amazing way to start the day.”

        “In the desert, in my living room in San Francisco, on a mountain… is there anywhere you wouldn’t do yoga?”

        “Probably not.” He bit his lip before adding, “We should do a class like that. Together. You would love it.”

        Paul moved closer into Sonny’s personal space. “I think I’d rather just watch _you_ do yoga.”

        The heat in Paul’s gaze made Sonny blush. Paul kissed him in the shade of a Joshua tree.

~*~

        When night rolled around, they dragged their sleeping pad out of the tent so they could stargaze in comfort.

        Sonny leaned back into Paul’s arms and gazed at the sky above them. Without the city lights around to dull them, the stars were truly dazzling. But once the temperature dropped and the winds kicked up, they laughingly admitted defeat and retreated back to their warm tent.

        Sonny was just drifting off to sleep when Paul suddenly asked, “Have you told Will about us yet?”

        Sonny stilled. “What?”

        Paul repeated his question. Sonny bit his lip, not looking at Paul. “Not yet.” Honestly, he was surprised this hadn’t come up yet. A part of him had hoped it wouldn’t matter to Paul enough to bring up, but… Well. Of course it did.

        The tent was dark, and Sonny couldn’t see his expression very well, but Paul’s silence spoke for him.

        "I will," he said. "After we get back."

        Paul sighed. "Sonny..."

        " _I will_ ,” he insisted. “I didn't want to do it over the phone."

        He'd told Will that he would be the first to know once Sonny had decided what their future would be, but that hadn't exactly proven true. Sonny hadn't expected Paul to show up in Paris or to find the answer suddenly staring him in the face. Everything happened so quickly from there. They had mutually admitted that divorce was inevitable for them, but after everything they had been through, Sonny owed it to Will to tell him about Paul and him in person. Especially since they were all going to be living in the same town again.

        “Is that the only reason?”

        Surprised and hurt by the question, Sonny said, “Yes. Of course it is. I’m not hiding you, Paul. I just want to do this right.”

        He had already done so many things the wrong way.

        "But you _are_...?"

        "Yes. Paul, _yes_." He squeezed Paul's hand, willing him to understand. Paul didn’t return his squeeze. He didn’t pull away either, and Sonny took that as a good sign.

        But Paul apparently had other concerns on his mind. “What happens when we get back to Salem?” he asked. “Are you coming back with me to my place? Are you going to your Uncle Victor’s? Or…”

        They hadn’t really talked about the particulars of how this was going to work. For Sonny, it had seemed significant enough to acknowledge that they even _were_ going to be together. One hurdle at a time.

        “I’m not going to stay with Will,” he said carefully. “That wouldn’t be right.”

        Paul seemed relieved.

        Sonny smiled tentatively. “I can’t wait to see your apartment.” The last time Sonny had been in Salem, Paul had still been staying at the Salem Inn. He was curious to see the similarities between his new place and what he remembered of Paul’s house in San Francisco. More than that, he was curious to see how their shared space would look.

        Paul smiled back, but his eyes were serious. “You know, if you stay with me, then you’ll have to tell people sooner rather than later about us. They’ll notice, and they’ll talk.”

        “I know that. I don’t care what people have to say about it. About us. I love you, Paul.”

        Paul had always been in his heart, even when Sonny tried to pretend he wasn’t. Sonny’s denial hadn’t made that untrue or done anything but cause everyone more pain. He was ready now to be honest about that and to let the pieces fall where they would.

        Paul’s expression finally softened. “I love you, too.”

        “I know.”

        Paul pulled Sonny over his body so that he was straddling him, the sleeping bag twisted around his waist. Relieved, Sonny tugged off his shirt and leaned in for a kiss.

~*~

        Paul was quiet as they packed their stuff back into the rental car and through the drive back into town.

        Something was obviously weighing on his mind, but Sonny didn’t know what.

        They spent their last night in a cheap motel by the highway.

        The pool was devoid of people when they arrived, so they went for a night swim. Paul crowded him against the side of the deep end where Paul’s feet still touched the bottom but Sonny’s didn’t.

        He splashed at him in protest, but Paul just grabbed his arm and pulled him in closer. The intense look in Paul’s eyes made Sonny’s smile drop. He swallowed once, and then they were kissing.

        Sonny clung to Paul’s wet shoulders. Paul hoisted him up so that he could wrap his legs around Paul’s waist. Their bodies pressed together under the water, wet skin slipping against wet skin, and soon it was time to move things to the hot tub.

        Sonny climbed onto Paul’s lap while keeping an eye out for other guests. They tortured each other for a while, kissing and rubbing against each other. Sonny moaned at the press of Paul’s erection beneath him. They could have returned to their room, but there was something to this, to drawing it out and prolonging the torture.

        He was just considering which position he wanted Paul in once they returned to the room when Paul said, “We could stay another night.”

        “We could,” Sonny agreed.

        Paul kissed his jaw. “We could stay forever, if we wanted.”

        Sonny shook his head. “You’d be so bored. Phone service is terrible out here. You wouldn’t last another week.”

        “I don’t care.”

        Looking closer at Paul, Sonny realized he was being serious. “You…”

        “It doesn’t have to be here. It could be anywhere, Sonny. _Anywhere_. You pick a direction, and we’ll go.”

        He didn’t know what to say. Travel indefinitely? It wasn’t as if he hadn’t done that before, but that was a long time ago. Now, he had responsibilities and commitments. “I can’t just—”

        “Yes, you could.”

        “No—”

        “Yes. _You could_.”

        “Paul!”

        Paul made a frustrated sound and pulled back from Sonny, who reluctantly slid off his lap onto the seat beside him. “You have your contract with Mad World…”

        “Which your uncle could easily release me from,” Paul said, stubborn. “He would, if you asked him. Or, I could just fly in when they need me. It’s not exactly a 9-to-5 job.”

        Sonny frowned, thrown by the sudden mood shift. “I have the club…”

        “Chad can handle the club. He has before. _You left before._ Damn it, Sonny, if you don’t want to, then just say so.”

        “I…”

        His obvious hesitance made Paul’s expression harden. “Fine,” he said coldly. “Forget it.”

        Sonny watched with mouth agape as Paul left the hot tub and stormed back toward their room.

        The loud clang of the shutting gate made him flinch.

~*~

        When Sonny cautiously entered their motel room, he found Paul lying on the bed and staring at the wall.

        Sonny climbed onto the bed beside Paul and tentatively wrapped his arms around his broad chest. Paul was tense, but he didn’t move away. For a moment, Sonny just laid there, listening to Paul’s breathing in the otherwise silent room.

        When he spoke, his voice was soft. “Are you worried that I’ll change my mind about us if we go back to Salem?”

        Paul sighed. It was a long, weary sound, and Sonny knew he had guessed correctly. He tightened his arms around Paul. “Don’t be.”

        The words were bitter, but Sonny only heard sadness in Paul’s voice. “This is what you were doing all that time, isn’t it? After you left me in Rome? Exploring deserts and climbing mountains without me? You got married without me,” he added softly.

        Sonny closed his eyes, pained. “Paul…"

        Paul gave a self-deprecating laugh and rubbed wearily at his eyes. "No, I know. I'm sorry. I don't mean to be like this. I just..."

        Sonny smiled sadly. “No. I’m the one who’s sorry.”

        Paul shifted in Sonny’s arms, turning over so they were facing each other. He looked confused. “For what?”

        Sonny touched Paul’s face, lightly tracing his finger over his cheek. “For being an idiot. I guess I just assumed you knew what I was thinking without my having to say it. You always seem to know what I’m thinking before I do. I thought that went both ways. But—”

        “It _does_.” Paul caught Sonny’s hand in his. He placed a fierce kiss on his fingers and then held them against his cheek. “Sonny, no one knows me like you do.” His eyes had taken on that stubborn glint Sonny knew so well, the one he got whenever his core beliefs were being challenged and he didn’t like it.

        Sonny loved that Paul’s belief in them was so strong, but he also knew that one of them had to be a realist. It took everything in him to look Paul in the eye as he spoke.

        “Yes, but a lot has happened. I… wasn’t always honest with you about how I felt. I wasn’t honest with myself either. When I left Salem, I left a lot of things unresolved. I left _us_ unresolved.”

        “I understood why you had to go,” Paul said. But it wasn’t that simple, and they both knew it. Paul’s outburst in the hot tub had shown him that.

        “I left you,” Sonny said bluntly. “Twice.”

        Paul winced but he couldn’t deny it. “You did,” he said. He stared at their linked hands, not looking him in the eye. “Sonny, I don't think I could do it again.”

        “Do what?”

        He shrugged. “Be apart? Not know if I’m ever going to see you again? Either. I don't know how I did it the first time."

         _Or the second._

        Swallowing down the guilt he felt, Sonny said, "You won't have to. Paul, _you won’t have to._ "

        Before Paul suddenly showed up on his doorstep, Sonny had spent four lonely months wandering around Paris in a fog. He had been frozen in miserable indecision and denial, and then there was Paul, suddenly real and _possible_ , and then everything was clear again.

        It took the combination of Paul’s reappearance and those four months for Sonny to come to terms with the reality of who he was, who he wanted to be, and with whom. He knew now, and he couldn’t regret the time he’d taken to regain his clarity. But he did regret the pain he’d caused Paul in the process.

        And Will. Oh, Sonny regretted so many things pertaining to Will. Sonny had four months alone in Paris to consider the ruins of his marriage. It had been hard, at first. Being there. Being alone. His missed Arianna, and he missed Will. He missed the familiarity and the happiness he remembered from their early days. But the feelings he thought would resurface and heal into what they used to be… hadn’t.

        Maybe if… maybe if Paul had never come back into his life. Maybe then, Sonny and Will could have survived all their problems and Will’s infidelity in Los Angeles. Maybe they could have fixed things and gotten back to who they were before.

        But Paul did come back into his life, and that fact, compounded by everything that came after, drove the final wedge between Sonny and Will. Even in Paris, Paul was never far from his mind. Admitting that to himself was half the battle.

        Sonny was tired of being so unhappy, and he hated the idea of Will being unhappy. Will had sounded so tired during their last candid phone conversation and, maybe, just a tad relieved to finally be admitting defeat. Being honest about who they were now and how Sonny felt about Paul was the right decision, even if it left invisible bruises on both of them. They would both be okay. Sonny had to believe that.

        He and Paul were going to be fine, too. Because Sonny wasn’t going anywhere. Not this time.

        Paul searched his face, and Sonny held his breath, silently willing Paul to see the sincerity and promise in his eyes.

        But Paul’s silence made him antsy, and before Paul could speak, Sonny rushed forward, saying, “When we decided we were going to be together, I guess I just wanted to move forward without having to deal with everything that came before. So, we never really talked about how this was going to work. You and me.”

        Paul must have realized he was crushing Sonny’s fingers in his grip, because he abruptly released him and soothed Sonny’s fingers in apology. “I don’t need a five-year plan,” he said. “I just need to know that you’re in this with me. Because I’m all in. Completely. I know things are complicated for you, but... they aren’t complicated for me. Sonny, you’re it for me. No question. But I understand if… if you aren’t there yet.” He suddenly looked rather young and vulnerable. “We don’t have to tell anyone yet if you—”

        Sonny cupped Paul’s face and, cutting him off, planted a firm kiss on his mouth. Pulling back, he looked into Paul’s wide eyes and said, “You’re right. Things are complicated for me.”

        He put his finger over Paul’s lips before he could interrupt. “I’m still technically married. Will and I have a daughter, so that complication is always going to be there. I don’t know what our families are going to say about us, but you can bet they’ll have something to say.” He and Paul shared a rueful look, both thinking of their mothers.

        “But this? You and me? It’s not complicated anymore. I guess I should have made it more clear at the start, but I’m with you. Completely. Paul, I love you, and I’m not going anywhere. No matter what. You once told me that we were meant to be together. I couldn’t admit it then, but I believe you. Do you believe me?”

        Paul’s eyes were shining at him. “Yes,” he whispered. “I believe you.”

        Their kiss felt like a promise and the start of a new beginning.

        Afterward, as they were lying tangled together, Sonny said, “We don’t have to go back to Salem right away. We could go to Phoenix first. I could introduce you to my brother, Alex. You’d like him. He follows baseball. Or, we could go to Fiji and find my other brother, Joey. He’s a photographer. He never remembers to give us an actual address for any of the places he goes, but how big could Fiji be? There’s also Vic…”

        Paul laughed. “Okay, I get it. You have a thousand brothers we could visit. And I want to meet all of them. Eventually. But right now, I want to go back to Salem. I want to start building our new life.”

        Sonny yawned and laid his head on Paul’s chest. “That sounds good to me.”

  
  


_Finis._


End file.
